No, You Are Not a “Nice” Guy.

“Nice guys always finish last.” “Girls don’t like gentlemen anymore. All they want is douche bags.” “You gotta treat girls like trash in order for them to like you.”

Do these lines sound familiar?

These retorts are known to come out of the mouths of what I like to call “fake nice guys” or “self-entitled nice guys.”

What is a fake nice guy, you ask?

They are men who feel that because they’re supposedly “nice” and “chivalrous”, women owe them their time and attention and if a woman doesn’t entertain them, they then become the jerk they always had been.

Then they say things like, “Would you rather me be on some disrespectful tip like ‘Aye ma, you tryna fuck?’ or “Wanna chill’…? Since that’s what it takes with you bitches these days.”

You went from “beautiful queen” to “bitter bitch” real quick when you didn’t respond (or not respond) to the fake nice guy’s advance.

This mentality is a variant of male entitlement. From the day they were little boys, we set the bar so low for men. We tell them that any abusive behavior they exhibit is just “boys being boys” and that them simply being “nice” is some extraordinary trait. It’s weird. It’s like we just expect men to be terrible people and then when they’re supposedly not, it’s something out of the ordinary and it should be praised.

From this line of thinking, men then believe that them simply being “nice” is such a remarkable act that should be rewarded, hence where the entitlement kicks in. They then feel that women should be eternally thankful that a man has decided to be “nice” to her.

Here’s the thing.

These men aren’t actually nice. Their kindness is conditional and temporary. Once you decline their advance–even if you were “polite” about it–they become violent, verbally and/or physically. They’re only “nice” in hopes to get something in return, not because it’s the decent human being thing to do. They talk about “Girls like assholes. Not us good guys” as if them and the assholes are two different people. No. You both are the same. The asshole just happens to show their true colors from the jump. They makes their self-serving intentions clear from the beginning.

Whereas, with the entitled “nice” men, they try to win women over with a facade, with a show of how much of a “gentlemen” they are. They have the same end goal as the asshole though: to get laid. To get a woman’s time and attention. Nice guys finish last huh? So, it’s the same race but with different tactics basically.

If you’re only nice in hopes that you’ll get something in return, you’re not actually nice. You’re an opportunist. If you’re only “nice” to women when you want her, that means your kindness is conditional and not sincere.

You don’t get a gold star for being a decent human being. That’s just something you should do because it’s the right thing to do. Just because you told a woman she was beautiful that one time does not mean she owes you her time, attention, body–nothing.

What also kills me is that guys resort to the “Girls only like assholes” retort and don’t even consider that they have nothing else to offer besides conditional kindness, which is why women aren’t interested in them. Ok, you’re “nice.” Sure. What else? Are you actually interesting? Can you actually bring something to the table? Can you make me laugh? Can you make me see things in a different way? Do we have chemistry? Am I physically attracted to you?

Just because you’re nice, doesn’t mean women HAVE to want you. Being nice is only one piece of the huge, complex puzzle.

I’m attracted to men who are sincerely nice and even when they are sincerely nice, that’s not a guarantee that I’ll be attracted to them beyond my admiration for their character. Thing about these men is that even when they are rejected by women, they walk it off and move on. They don’t become bitter and they don’t take it personally. They also don’t become violent whether that be physically or verbally.

It’s time for men to stop feeling that all the women in the world owe them something because they decided to be a good person that day. Male entitlement is getting old and it’s toxic.

Fake nice guys. I peep your game. I see what you’re selling but I’m not buying it.

4 thoughts on “No, You Are Not a “Nice” Guy.

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