This post by far is one of my most difficult to write but I feel like it needs to be said…
It always makes me laugh out loud when people say it’s a choice to be overweight.. I didn’t choose to be overweight. I was born at almost 10 pounds. Being “big-boned” runs through my family especially through the women’s side. I’ve always been a fluffy girl. Staying overweight, however, is a choice. It’s always been a characteristic of mine: “You know Candace? She’s black, wears braids, and is kind of chubby?”
One day, in my ask.fm there was an uproar. If you’re not familiar with ask.fm, it’s a site where people can ask you questions and have the choice of being anonymous. Someone (anonymously of course) told me that “If you were smaller, I would hit.” …….. I was taken aback. Then someone else came in my ask saying that all I needed to do was lose weight because I already had a pretty face…. The thing is, this isn’t the first time I’ve gotten this. Even from well-meaning friends and family, I’ve been told, “You’re so pretty for your size or you’re pretty for a ‘big girl.'” As if being bigger equates to someone being unattractive or ugly…
I know people mean well with their comments, or at least I would like to think that they mean well but comments like that don’t make me feel better about myself, they actually make me feel worse… It makes me feel as if I’m not enough. When I got those comments in my ask.fm, I didn’t even know how to properly respond to them. I was just dumbfounded.
So you mean to tell me that I’m written off by guys solely because my body doesn’t fit their ideal? Forget that I’m smart, funny, and loyal. No, because I am a plus size girl I am automatically looked over or put to the side…
Telling someone that they’re “pretty for a big girl” is just as offensive as telling someone, “Oh, you’re cute for a white boy… You’re pretty for a black girl..” It’s as if you’re implying that typically that certain group is not attractive usually.
I’m beautiful. Period. I’m not beautiful because I’m aesthetically pleasing. I’m beautiful because I put my family & friends before myself. I’m beautiful because I have big dreams & a laundry list of aspirations. I’m beautiful because I love fiercely and I protect those that I love.
What gets me even more about guys who say they could never get into “big girls” is have you ever thought that maybe the big girls don’t want you neither?! Someone actually had enough gall to come into my ask.fm and tell me that if I wasn’t plus size, they would give me the time of day as if I didn’t have a choice in the matter. What if I wouldn’t let you hit it to begin with? Huh? I’m not a charity case boo boo.
I truly feel sorry for anyone who has written me off as a love interest or even as a friend because they were blinded by my weight. I didn’t miss out. They did. They missed out on someone who would’ve changed their life for the better.
Look, I know we all have our preferences. That’s fine. Have your preference but don’t demean me in the process. If you can’t fall in love with me as a person because you’re caught up in something so temporary, something superficial, something that’s likely to change such as my weight then you’re not worth my time to begin with.
I am on a weight loss journey but it’s not because I want attention from guys. It’s because I want to be healthy. I don’t want to become another diabetic in the family. I want to look at myself and finally after 20 years of life, like what I see. I’m not doing it to fit into society’s conventional view of what beautiful is.
Like I said, I know we all have our preferences and if you’re sticking by your guns about not dating girls with a little more meat on the bones, then you’re entitled to feel that way. Just know this: when I lose the excess weight, don’t come knocking on my door because you will be told to turn right back around. You will not be hitting anything over here. Call it cliche but it’s true: If you can’t love me at my worst, you do not, and I repeat, do not deserve at my best.
All in all, stop telling I’m beautiful for a big girl. I’m beautiful because I’m beautiful because no matter what my weight is, I will always be the same girl with a heart of gold. There’s more to me than just my fluctuating weight and I’m sorry not sorry if you can’t see that.
Thank you & good night.